Riz's Joke Thread
05-05-2005, 06:59 PM
#151
Silvered Hawaiian
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Maui, Hawaii
Posts: 306
The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings over to the parents a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but
definitely Caucasian, white baby boy. "Congratulations," says the
nurse to the new parents. "Well, Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong
name the baby?"
The puzzled father, looks at his new baby boy and says:
"Well, two Wongs don't make a white, so I think we will name him Sum Ting Wong."
The nurse brings over to the parents a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but
definitely Caucasian, white baby boy. "Congratulations," says the
nurse to the new parents. "Well, Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong
name the baby?"
The puzzled father, looks at his new baby boy and says:
"Well, two Wongs don't make a white, so I think we will name him Sum Ting Wong."
05-19-2005, 08:22 PM
#152
Administrative Brown Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 5,406
07-28-2005, 07:34 PM
#155
Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Gerber, CA
Posts: 3,672
Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months. The only other thing on the island was a tall coconut tree, which provided their food.
And each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree to see if he could see a rescue boat coming. One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "Wow. I can't believe my eyes. There is a girl out there floating in our direction." The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, "I think you're hallucinating and you should come down right now."
So, the lawyer reluctantly climbed down the tree and told his friend that he had just actually seen a naked blonde woman floating face up... headed toward their island. The other lawyer started to laugh, thinking his friend had surely lost his mind. But within a few minutes, up to their beach floated a naked blonde woman, face up, and totally unconscious.
The two lawyers went over to her and discovered, yes she was alive. One said to the other, "You know, we've been on this island for months now without a woman. It's been a long time. Do you think we should, you know , screw her?"
The other lawyer glanced down at the totally naked woman and asked, "Out of what?"
And each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree to see if he could see a rescue boat coming. One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "Wow. I can't believe my eyes. There is a girl out there floating in our direction." The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, "I think you're hallucinating and you should come down right now."
So, the lawyer reluctantly climbed down the tree and told his friend that he had just actually seen a naked blonde woman floating face up... headed toward their island. The other lawyer started to laugh, thinking his friend had surely lost his mind. But within a few minutes, up to their beach floated a naked blonde woman, face up, and totally unconscious.
The two lawyers went over to her and discovered, yes she was alive. One said to the other, "You know, we've been on this island for months now without a woman. It's been a long time. Do you think we should, you know , screw her?"
The other lawyer glanced down at the totally naked woman and asked, "Out of what?"
08-10-2005, 02:12 PM
#162
Z8 driver
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Birmingham, AL
Posts: 524
there were Three gay men, and coincidently all three of their life partners died around the same time. They all decided to have their partners cremated.
While at the morgue, the doctor asked what each person wanted to do with the ashes. Adam replied with: "I want to have Sean's ashes spread across the ocean, because we used to have so much fun out on our boat." Steve replied with "I want to have Tim's ashes spread at the top of the mountain we used to hike to."
Finally, the doctor asked Chris what he wanted to do with his partners ashes, and he said: "I want to put Aaron's ashes in a big pot of chili, so that he can tear my *** up one last time!"
While at the morgue, the doctor asked what each person wanted to do with the ashes. Adam replied with: "I want to have Sean's ashes spread across the ocean, because we used to have so much fun out on our boat." Steve replied with "I want to have Tim's ashes spread at the top of the mountain we used to hike to."
Finally, the doctor asked Chris what he wanted to do with his partners ashes, and he said: "I want to put Aaron's ashes in a big pot of chili, so that he can tear my *** up one last time!"
08-24-2005, 08:40 AM
#163
Administrative Brown Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 5,406
What Religion is Your Bra?
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.
What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?
Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.
Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.
Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied:
There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple...
The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and
The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
(A} Almost *****...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !
They forgot the German bra.
Holtzemfromfloppen!
What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?
Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.
Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.
Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied:
There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple...
The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and
The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
(A} Almost *****...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !
They forgot the German bra.
Holtzemfromfloppen!
08-24-2005, 10:05 AM
#164
Loves Going Topless
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Springdale, Arkansas
Posts: 447
"The Headache"
The doctor said, "Bill, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The
bad
new is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition,
which causes your ********* to press on your spine and the pressure
creates
one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to
remove
the *********."
Bill was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live
for.
He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time
in
20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As
he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different
person.
He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's
clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The
elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."
Bill laughed, "That's right, how you knew?"
"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said. Bill tried on the
suit..
It fit perfectly.
As Bill admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a
new
shirt?"
Bill thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Bill and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2
neck."
Bill was surprised, "That's right, how you knew?"
"Been in the business 60 years." Bill tried on the shirt and it fit
perfectly.
Bill walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How
about some new underwear?"
Bill thought for a moment and said, "Sure."
The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36."
Bill laughed, "Ah ha! I got you; I've worn a size 34 since I was 18
years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would
press your ********* up against the base of your spine and give you one
hell
of a headache."
New suit - $400
new shirt - $36
new underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS
The doctor said, "Bill, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The
bad
new is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition,
which causes your ********* to press on your spine and the pressure
creates
one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to
remove
the *********."
Bill was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live
for.
He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time
in
20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As
he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different
person.
He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's
clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The
elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."
Bill laughed, "That's right, how you knew?"
"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said. Bill tried on the
suit..
It fit perfectly.
As Bill admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a
new
shirt?"
Bill thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Bill and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2
neck."
Bill was surprised, "That's right, how you knew?"
"Been in the business 60 years." Bill tried on the shirt and it fit
perfectly.
Bill walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How
about some new underwear?"
Bill thought for a moment and said, "Sure."
The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36."
Bill laughed, "Ah ha! I got you; I've worn a size 34 since I was 18
years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would
press your ********* up against the base of your spine and give you one
hell
of a headache."
New suit - $400
new shirt - $36
new underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS
08-24-2005, 10:46 AM
#165
Z8 driver
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Birmingham, AL
Posts: 524
Originally Posted by tnkrstoyco
"The Headache"
The doctor said, "Bill, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The
bad
new is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition,
which causes your ********* to press on your spine and the pressure
creates
one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to
remove
the *********."
Bill was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live
for.
He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time
in
20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As
he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different
person.
He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's
clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The
elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."
Bill laughed, "That's right, how you knew?"
"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said. Bill tried on the
suit..
It fit perfectly.
As Bill admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a
new
shirt?"
Bill thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Bill and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2
neck."
Bill was surprised, "That's right, how you knew?"
"Been in the business 60 years." Bill tried on the shirt and it fit
perfectly.
Bill walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How
about some new underwear?"
Bill thought for a moment and said, "Sure."
The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36."
Bill laughed, "Ah ha! I got you; I've worn a size 34 since I was 18
years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would
press your ********* up against the base of your spine and give you one
hell
of a headache."
New suit - $400
new shirt - $36
new underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS
The doctor said, "Bill, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The
bad
new is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition,
which causes your ********* to press on your spine and the pressure
creates
one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to
remove
the *********."
Bill was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live
for.
He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time
in
20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As
he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different
person.
He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's
clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The
elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."
Bill laughed, "That's right, how you knew?"
"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said. Bill tried on the
suit..
It fit perfectly.
As Bill admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a
new
shirt?"
Bill thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Bill and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2
neck."
Bill was surprised, "That's right, how you knew?"
"Been in the business 60 years." Bill tried on the shirt and it fit
perfectly.
Bill walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How
about some new underwear?"
Bill thought for a moment and said, "Sure."
The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36."
Bill laughed, "Ah ha! I got you; I've worn a size 34 since I was 18
years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would
press your ********* up against the base of your spine and give you one
hell
of a headache."
New suit - $400
new shirt - $36
new underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS
haha!! That's awesome
08-25-2005, 01:22 PM
#167
Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Reno,NV
Posts: 14
A blond was at the mall shopping one day. When she came out to go home, she found that someone had hit the side of her car and left a large dent in the door. On her way home she stopped at a local body shop to see about having the door fixed. Unfortunately for her the owner was having a bad day, nothing but complaints about his work and how long it was taking to finish some of the repairs. So he was not very receptive to taking on a new repair.
In order to get rid of her, he told the blond that she could fix the dent herself at home. But she would have to wait until the car was completely cooled off, then blow into the exhaust pipe and the dent would pop out. This sounded reasonable to the blond and she was thankful to save the repair costs.
The next morning she was outside trying to fix the dent when her best friend, also a blond, showed up. By this time, having no luck at getting the dent to pop out, she was getting mad at the repairman who had told her how to fix the car. She told her girlfriend what she was trying to do. The girlfriend look at her with disgust, shook her head and waved at the car. "Well duh, no wonder it isn't working, you forgot to roll up the windows!"
In order to get rid of her, he told the blond that she could fix the dent herself at home. But she would have to wait until the car was completely cooled off, then blow into the exhaust pipe and the dent would pop out. This sounded reasonable to the blond and she was thankful to save the repair costs.
The next morning she was outside trying to fix the dent when her best friend, also a blond, showed up. By this time, having no luck at getting the dent to pop out, she was getting mad at the repairman who had told her how to fix the car. She told her girlfriend what she was trying to do. The girlfriend look at her with disgust, shook her head and waved at the car. "Well duh, no wonder it isn't working, you forgot to roll up the windows!"
Last edited by ChEng; 08-25-2005 at 02:16 PM. Reason: spelling
08-25-2005, 01:35 PM
#168
Loves Going Topless
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Springdale, Arkansas
Posts: 447
Syllables
The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words.
She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples
of words with more than one syllable.
"Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?"
After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday.
"Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day. Does anyone know
another word?"
Johnny from the back of the room yells, "I do! I do!"
Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead. "OK
Mike, what is your word."
"Saturday", says Mike. "Great, that has three syllables..." Not wanting to
be outdone Johnny says "I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!"
Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher
reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?"
Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion."
Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny.
Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful."
"No Ma'am, your thinking of '*******', and that's only two syllables."
The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words.
She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples
of words with more than one syllable.
"Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?"
After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday.
"Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day. Does anyone know
another word?"
Johnny from the back of the room yells, "I do! I do!"
Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead. "OK
Mike, what is your word."
"Saturday", says Mike. "Great, that has three syllables..." Not wanting to
be outdone Johnny says "I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!"
Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher
reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?"
Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion."
Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny.
Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful."
"No Ma'am, your thinking of '*******', and that's only two syllables."
08-25-2005, 01:42 PM
#169
Loves Going Topless
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Springdale, Arkansas
Posts: 447
Little package
Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been
married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon, the pastor came to call on her, and she showed him into her
quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared
tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut
glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated,
of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor
tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange
floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
"Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing
to the bowl.
"Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the
park a few months ago, and I found this little package on the ground. The
directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would
prevent the spread of disease."
"And you know... I haven't had a cold all winter."
Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been
married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon, the pastor came to call on her, and she showed him into her
quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared
tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut
glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated,
of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor
tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange
floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
"Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing
to the bowl.
"Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the
park a few months ago, and I found this little package on the ground. The
directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would
prevent the spread of disease."
"And you know... I haven't had a cold all winter."
08-25-2005, 01:50 PM
#170
Loves Going Topless
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Springdale, Arkansas
Posts: 447
A little head
A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender can't help but stare at the guy because in contrast to his
large muscles, the man has a head that is the size of an orange.
The bartender hands the guy his beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but
I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! But I
have a question, why is your head so small?"
The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times.
"One day," he begins, "I was hunting and got lost in the woods. I heard
someone crying for help. I followed the cries and they led me to a frog
that was sitting next to a stream."
"No ****?" says the bartender, thoroughly intrigued.
"Yeah, so I picked up the frog and it said, Kiss me. Kiss me and I will
turn into a genie and grant you three wishes."
"Keep going!"
I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF!
The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman.
She said, "You now have three wishes."
I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like
Arnold Schwarzenneger."
She nodded, snapped her fingers, and POOF there I was, so huge that I
ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!
She then asked, "What will be your second wish?"
"What next?" begged the bartender.
I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make
sensuous love with you here by this stream." She nodded, laid down, and
beckoned to me. We made love right there by that stream for hours!
Afterwards, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious
lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more
wish. What will it be?"
I looked at her and replied, "How 'bout a little head?"
A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender can't help but stare at the guy because in contrast to his
large muscles, the man has a head that is the size of an orange.
The bartender hands the guy his beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but
I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! But I
have a question, why is your head so small?"
The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times.
"One day," he begins, "I was hunting and got lost in the woods. I heard
someone crying for help. I followed the cries and they led me to a frog
that was sitting next to a stream."
"No ****?" says the bartender, thoroughly intrigued.
"Yeah, so I picked up the frog and it said, Kiss me. Kiss me and I will
turn into a genie and grant you three wishes."
"Keep going!"
I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF!
The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman.
She said, "You now have three wishes."
I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like
Arnold Schwarzenneger."
She nodded, snapped her fingers, and POOF there I was, so huge that I
ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!
She then asked, "What will be your second wish?"
"What next?" begged the bartender.
I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make
sensuous love with you here by this stream." She nodded, laid down, and
beckoned to me. We made love right there by that stream for hours!
Afterwards, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious
lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more
wish. What will it be?"
I looked at her and replied, "How 'bout a little head?"
08-25-2005, 01:57 PM
#171
Loves Going Topless
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Springdale, Arkansas
Posts: 447
Fleas visit
One winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches
of California to escape the cold.
The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little
flea arms and his little flee legs.
Just then, the second flea arrived just a shiverin' and a shakin'.
The first flea asked, "What the hell happened to you?"
To which the second flea replied "I just rode out here on a bikers
mustache and I'm so very coldddd!"
The first flea said, "Don't you know the special trick to gettin here,
first you go to the airport, go straight to the ladies cammode, wait for a
pretty young stewardess to come along, and when she sits down you climb
right up in there where its nice and warm".
The second flea agreed that this was a grand idea.
The next winter comes along and it was time for the fleas to head for the
sunny beaches again.
The first flea arrived and began putting suntan lotion on his little flea
arms and his little flea legs.
About that time, the second flea arrived again just a shiverin', shakin',
and mumbling about how cold he was.
The first flea exclaimed "Didn't you learn anything that I taught you
about getting here nice and warm?"
To which the second flea replied, "I did just as you said; I went to the
ladies cammode and this pretty stewardess came in and sat down, I climbed
right up in there and it was so very warm.
Next thing I know we stop at a bar and I fell asleep. All of a sudden I
woke and there I was, right back on that bikers mustache!
One winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches
of California to escape the cold.
The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little
flea arms and his little flee legs.
Just then, the second flea arrived just a shiverin' and a shakin'.
The first flea asked, "What the hell happened to you?"
To which the second flea replied "I just rode out here on a bikers
mustache and I'm so very coldddd!"
The first flea said, "Don't you know the special trick to gettin here,
first you go to the airport, go straight to the ladies cammode, wait for a
pretty young stewardess to come along, and when she sits down you climb
right up in there where its nice and warm".
The second flea agreed that this was a grand idea.
The next winter comes along and it was time for the fleas to head for the
sunny beaches again.
The first flea arrived and began putting suntan lotion on his little flea
arms and his little flea legs.
About that time, the second flea arrived again just a shiverin', shakin',
and mumbling about how cold he was.
The first flea exclaimed "Didn't you learn anything that I taught you
about getting here nice and warm?"
To which the second flea replied, "I did just as you said; I went to the
ladies cammode and this pretty stewardess came in and sat down, I climbed
right up in there and it was so very warm.
Next thing I know we stop at a bar and I fell asleep. All of a sudden I
woke and there I was, right back on that bikers mustache!
08-25-2005, 01:58 PM
#172
Loves Going Topless
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Springdale, Arkansas
Posts: 447
Porno's &Cheetos
A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My ***** is
orange."
Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check.
Damned if the guy's ***** isn't orange.
Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are
caused by a lot of stress in a person's life."
Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How
are things going at work?"
The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago.
The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress.
Guy responds, "No. The boss was a real *******, I had to work 20-30 hours
of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening."
"I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm
getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really
great guy." So the doc figures this isn't the reason.
He asks the guy, "How's your home life?" The guy says, "Well, I got
divorced about eight months ago." The doc figures that this has got to be
the reason for all of the guys stress.
The guy says, "No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am
I glad to be rid of that old bitch." So the doc takes a few minutes to
think a little longer.
He inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?" The guy replies,
"No, not really. Most nights I sit home, watch some porno flicks and munch
on Cheetos."
A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My ***** is
orange."
Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check.
Damned if the guy's ***** isn't orange.
Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are
caused by a lot of stress in a person's life."
Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How
are things going at work?"
The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago.
The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress.
Guy responds, "No. The boss was a real *******, I had to work 20-30 hours
of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening."
"I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm
getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really
great guy." So the doc figures this isn't the reason.
He asks the guy, "How's your home life?" The guy says, "Well, I got
divorced about eight months ago." The doc figures that this has got to be
the reason for all of the guys stress.
The guy says, "No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am
I glad to be rid of that old bitch." So the doc takes a few minutes to
think a little longer.
He inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?" The guy replies,
"No, not really. Most nights I sit home, watch some porno flicks and munch
on Cheetos."
08-25-2005, 03:32 PM
#173
Administrative Brown Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 5,406
Two Drunken Ladies
Two women, who had been friends for years, decide to go for a Girls
Night
Out, and were decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly
drunk
and walking home, they needed to use the bathroom. They were near a
graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a head
stone.
The first woman had nothing to dry herself with she thought she'd take
off
her panties, use them, and then threw them away. Her friend, however,
was
wearing a rather expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers,
but
was lucky to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the
graves. So she dried herself with the ribbon.
The next day the first woman's husband phoned the other husband and
said,
"This girl's night out thing has got to stop right now. My wife came
home
last night without her panties."
That's nothing," said the other husband, "Mine came home with a card
stuck
to her bottom that said, "FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION, WE'LL
NEVER
FORGET YOU."
Night
Out, and were decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly
drunk
and walking home, they needed to use the bathroom. They were near a
graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a head
stone.
The first woman had nothing to dry herself with she thought she'd take
off
her panties, use them, and then threw them away. Her friend, however,
was
wearing a rather expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers,
but
was lucky to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the
graves. So she dried herself with the ribbon.
The next day the first woman's husband phoned the other husband and
said,
"This girl's night out thing has got to stop right now. My wife came
home
last night without her panties."
That's nothing," said the other husband, "Mine came home with a card
stuck
to her bottom that said, "FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION, WE'LL
NEVER
FORGET YOU."
[img]
08-26-2005, 08:33 PM
#175
Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Gerber, CA
Posts: 3,672
Originally Posted by tnkrstoyco
Syllables
The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words.
She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples
of words with more than one syllable.
"Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?"
After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday.
"Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day. Does anyone know
another word?"
Johnny from the back of the room yells, "I do! I do!"
Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead. "OK
Mike, what is your word."
"Saturday", says Mike. "Great, that has three syllables..." Not wanting to
be outdone Johnny says "I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!"
Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher
reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?"
Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion."
Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny.
Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful."
"No Ma'am, your thinking of '*******', and that's only two syllables."
The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words.
She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples
of words with more than one syllable.
"Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?"
After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday.
"Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day. Does anyone know
another word?"
Johnny from the back of the room yells, "I do! I do!"
Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead. "OK
Mike, what is your word."
"Saturday", says Mike. "Great, that has three syllables..." Not wanting to
be outdone Johnny says "I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!"
Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher
reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?"
Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion."
Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny.
Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful."
"No Ma'am, your thinking of '*******', and that's only two syllables."
He also used ur-in-ate, then when asjed to use it in a sentence he responds to the teacher with, 'Urinate, but if you had bigger **** you'd be a 10.
