ZLover4Life

So here's the deal, a couple of my friends are arguing with me about this, so I'm going to post a poll to get the general consensus. Here's the story.

Mandy and I broke up over a month ago (after 2 years). She continued talking to my best friend Bruce (I know she doesn't like him, she's interested in a different guy, but he is a good person to talk to). I didn't appreciate it, but I delt with it. I found out, though, that this weekend he and Mandy are going to Ohio together to see the Evanescence concert. As a result, I told him to f*ck off - I feel that it's a whole new level of disloyalty.

Now, for clarification, their relationship definately isn't romantic - he has a new girlfriend who he's really into and both he and Mandy are really into Evanescence, so it's just a weekend at a concert as friends. Whether or not you think I'm naive is irrelevant, so assume that I'm right and that it's not a romantic weekend.

Is it acceptable for your best friend to spend a weekend with your ex girlfriend?

NismoPick

51% yes. I've been on both sides of that situation. She's fair game... and even tho it sucks that your buddy is next in line, he's free to chill with / date her.

It does suck tho... royal ace.

hoov100

i slept with my ex for two weeks after the official "break up" and still go to lunch with her about once a week..

ZLover4Life

NismoPick - you would continue being friends with the guy given the situation? You don't think that he's being disloyal at all?

ZLover4Life

... her and I continued talking about trying again until a few weeks ago... but your response doesn't reflect whether or not you think it's ok for a friend to do that.

hoov100

no, you broke up with her BEFORE he made his move, unless he was fuc*ing her behind your back its all fair game.

ZLover4Life

Reading comprehension owns you... he's not "making a move" - he has a better looking girlfriend and Mandy has personal issues that prevent her from establishing a relationship (not to mention moral issues with dating my friends). That's why we broke up - she's simply got issues right now.

The poll is PURELY is it ok for a friend to spend a non-romantic (I said that at least twice) weekend with a recent ex girlfriend? I feel that it's wrong.

NismoPick

That depends on his actions. If he's doing this to rub it in your face, or otherwise be a dick about it, yes he's being disloyal as a friend (EDIT: slash boyfriend). The shibby thing about this situation is it's prolly going to be awkward between you, her, and him for a while unless you're a super actor & pretend all is fine. I know it sounds gay, but you should prolly have a frank talk w/ your buddy about this (more than f*ck off).

hoov100

you could have said he had a GF in your first post...

ZLover4Life

I did.

NismoPick - he's not rubbing it in my face... he didn't even tell me about it (I stumbled across the information by accident). But I still feel it's not ok for him to do it. As for talking to him about it - I have in the past (I told him that I didn't mind if he talked to her, but I didn't want him hanging out with her for various reasons). He doesn't think it's wrong at all for him to spend time with her. He knows I think it's wrong, but he's doing it anyway. That's when "f*ck off" happened. Change your opinion at all?

NismoPick

Yeah... he's a douche.

hoov100

wheres the douchebag patrol when we need it?

ZLover4Life

are you changing your vote too? lol

b300z

that **** happened to me, except the other guy broke up with his gf, and eventually dated mine...for 2 years and counting. they had this, "i like you, we should get together after you break up with b-real" thing 2 months before we acutally broke up.

RodMoyes

Forgive me, because what I'm about to write will probably sound really ****ed up but somebody has to play Devil's Advocate.

Both your Ex and your friend had a friendship of their own with each other both during the time you and her were dating and now that you are not.

As shitty as it feels to you (and you have every right to hate it and feel shitty about it), the fact is... They are still firends and that friendship and it's boundaries are in no way subject to your approval.

If you confront either of them about it, you'll most likely just dig yourself into a hole and risk damaging what ever hope is left that you'll continue to have any kind of good relationship with either of them.



Rod.

z-hag

i say it depends on what you are able to get away with in your own mind and soul---there is nothing wrong with the being with a friend for a weekend......after all, friends are able to spend time together without frying the morals chart...... ..

ZLover4Life

You say that it's ok, but also that I have a right to hate it, which suggests that it's not ok. Yes, they clearly have the right to have a friendship, but considering he knows that I think what he's doing is wrong and he's doing it anyway, I feel it's disloyalty - he's been my friend for a very long time and the two of them have only known each other since I started dating her.

But my question regarding your answer is simple: if what they're doing is acceptable, why should I have a right to hate it? If I have a right to hate it, doesn't that presuppose that it's wrong for them to do it.

Bleach

a long time friend will stab you in the back at any moment for a woman... trust me

frank280zx

so tell me who the woman was with Ceasar ... Brutus did but he did not end up ******** Calpurnia Pisonis.. funny btw he divorced from his second marriage to Pompeia Sulla, in 68 BC after 6 years in 62 BC

ok so that does it for this history class..
back to subject ..
YES it sucks for you .. but you have no control over her or him, and no i dont think it is disloyal .. it would be if you where still dating.. i would not worry to much..Did you brake up or did she? Dont get me wrong on this but my guess is she did.

Riz Z Speed

For what it's worth....

I'm sorry to hear of your break up.
I know what you're going thru and it's not easy.
I can only suggest you ease your pain by not thinking about it. What those two decide to do is essentially out of your control. You just have to ask yourself at this point, what's more important to you, the friendships you're risking to lose or the memory of a broken relationship?

snwbrderphat540

before i put up an opinion, were they friends before or prior to you and her OFFICIALLY dating, like you asked her to be your GF.

p.s. the only way to get over a girl is to get under another..... huh, same goes for cars, thats funny. lol

Darrel

Can we have a separate forum for thxone, wildman and zlover4life?

WildmaN

Hey I am usually cool about things on here. But I need to speak my mind this time. Isn't that what the off-topic lounge is for? For whatever subject, and or topic we bring up? To me what you posted, is kind of messed up. And uncalled for. If you ask people on here, I am a peaceful person. But this kind of post, really urks me. Do us a favor and keep those kind of comments to yourself. Thank you for understanding. And another thing, not to sound harsh. But if you don't want to read it, don't click on it my friend. Then you wouldn't see the drama crap, you don't want to see. And for you information, I have no drama in my life. I make sure of that. Okay I am finished now.

ZLover4Life

They were not friends before her and I dated - he met her after we started a relationship.

RodMoyes

That they only know each other because of you makes it that much more difficult...


I hold with my original post, but I will say this...

Your EX can do what ever she wants and has no obligation to avoid any act or behaviour that may hurt your feelings...

Your friend on the other hand... Is a lousy *** douchebag that will probably end up getting a nice swift kick in the *** by my good friend KARMA.


Rod.